Here, in honor of Mother’s Day, is a guest blog from a long-time friend of mine. The author — a mother of three, a wife of over 30 years and a busy executive in New York City — prefers, at least here, to remain anonymous.
My Dear, Dear Children,
When you were born, you were so helpless and I had to do everything for you. Mother Nature provides new mothers with hormones to insure that we fall head over heels in love with our children. This is the kind of love needed to cope with the all-consuming type of nurturing you needed back then when you couldn’t do anything for yourselves. Day or night, rain or shine, if you needed it – I made sure you had it. I was thrilled to do it all.
Fast forward to today when it’s not always so clear what kind of nurturing and mothering you need. Oh sure, there’s the kind of mothering that requires me to make sure the refrigerators and pantries are filled so you don’t starve – but I’m talking more about what you might actually need from me as a person.
I’ve tried to be the kind of mother you can come to when you have a problem, a concern or you’re upset. Sometimes you do – and I try my best to give you the guidance or advice you need or the loving support you want. When you don’t come to me and you’ve gone down the wrong path, I feel like I’ve failed you in some way. I hate to see any of you in pain.
I believe I’ve told you all many times, but it bears repeating, there’s nothing you can do in this life that would cause me to stop loving you. Nothing! Never! You can always tell me the truth about anything and I’ll try my best to help you as much as I can. The sad fact is, though, unlike your younger years, when your needs were so basic, your needs today aren’t always things a mother can fix.
I want to tell you that I can’t, no matter how badly I want to, do the following: make someone love you when you want them to (or soothe the broken heart which results); repair the economy of our country and our world so that the (fill in the blank) that you want so badly is available to you right now when you want it; make the teacher/professor think highly of your work and give you the “A” you so strongly believe that you deserve; and even more timely – I cannot control the weather when it snows on your plans! I know a child’s mother is supposed to be able to fix anything but your childhoods are now (or are soon to be) over, and being a parent to an adult child is a new experience for me.
So as we celebrate Mother’s Day, I ponder how my love for all of you has grown and evolved over the past twenty-plus years. I ponder what I can do for you all at this juncture in our relationships that will reinforce for you how very much I love you now and how I can give you what you want and need from a mother today.
With love from your friend,