Once again I hereby officially invite you to subscribe to my blog, letterstomykids.org.
Once again this is a one-time offer only – except of course technically this is my second offer.
Once again this lifetime subscription is available free.
Only now I’m offering a discount.
If you’re under 100 years old, you get 15% off.
And if you subscribe today, you’ll get an additional 10% off.
Just imagine what you can do with all the money you’ll save!
But all seriousness aside, let me tell you why you should take advantage of this offer – an offer that may never be available again until tomorrow or maybe next Tuesday at the absolute latest.
If you subscribe to my blog, you’ll never get fat.
You’ll never be hungry again, either.
Best of all, you’ll never get old.
In short, you’ll be happy 24 hours a day, year in and year out, even possibly several months into your afterlife (though why you would need an afterlife if you never get old I have no idea).
But why take my word for it? The New York Times recommended my blog:
Chances are, if the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention were even remotely aware of my blog, it would recommend it, too.
Ditto the World Health Organization.
So ask yourself, “Do I want a bright future? Do I, in my heart of hearts, truly believe I deserve eternal bliss?”
If the answer to both questions is “yes,” then subscribe now.
P.S. – Part 3 will appear tomorrow.