Punch Lines: Part 2

Dear Michael,

Here, pulled from my notebooks, are some more lines intended to amuse you:

· I love everyone equally, just some more than others

· If you have nothing nice to say, you might as well say it anyway

· Flying by the seat of my pants – that’s my favorite airline

· I happen to speak fluent tongue-in-cheek

· Here’s the message I’d like you to send all our shareholders. Fuck you. Now you’re the writer. So please feel free to wordsmith it.

· Sometimes I think about suicide. But it’s always someone else’s.

· Most people talk too much – it’s as if they get a volume discount.

· If he ever took an IQ test, he would probably fail

· Working out with weights really gets your blood circulating. All your muscles grow engorged. It’s as if your whole body has a hard-on.

· I could barely make out a word he said. Only person I ever knew who needed subtitles.

· If ever you’re hoist on your own petard, go immediately to the nearest emergency room

· She drank alcohol only on special occasions. Like daylight.

· When in doubt, you probably should be.

Question of the day: Is your family funny? How so?

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