Here, pulled from my notebooks, are some more lines intended to amuse you:
· I love everyone equally, just some more than others
· If you have nothing nice to say, you might as well say it anyway
· Flying by the seat of my pants – that’s my favorite airline
· I happen to speak fluent tongue-in-cheek
· Here’s the message I’d like you to send all our shareholders. Fuck you. Now you’re the writer. So please feel free to wordsmith it.
· Sometimes I think about suicide. But it’s always someone else’s.
· Most people talk too much – it’s as if they get a volume discount.
· If he ever took an IQ test, he would probably fail
· Working out with weights really gets your blood circulating. All your muscles grow engorged. It’s as if your whole body has a hard-on.
· I could barely make out a word he said. Only person I ever knew who needed subtitles.
· If ever you’re hoist on your own petard, go immediately to the nearest emergency room
· She drank alcohol only on special occasions. Like daylight.
· When in doubt, you probably should be.
Question of the day: Is your family funny? How so?